A new product is due soon that should protect your precious HDTV, even if you should manage to demolish every other object in your living room during a fitful round of Wii-ing. Looking at it, it seems nice enough, but given the erratic world of Wii controller airborne trajectories, it doesn't seem to be particularly ricochet-proof.
On your fifth HDTV since buying a Wii? Yeah, we are too -- maybe it's time to get your display a little something designed to protect it against the occasional glancing blow from an errant Wiimote. Sketchy though the Taiwanese company's site may seem (apologies in advance, we're not clear on any US distributors), LCDArm claims its impact-resistant Safety Shield passes through 98% of light, reduces UV, and, of course, is the ideal candidate for protecting your high-def investment from your decidedly low-def motion-sensitive console, whose controller has been occasionally known to fly out of the hands of adoring fans with truly horrific results.
Next up...a Safety Shield 'glove' that protects your five-digited fleshy investment against those decidedly motion-inhibiting coffee table edges...
They didn't mention this practical use for a Wii controller in the operator's manual, evidently.
In times to come, there will doubtless be reports of roving gangs of Wii controller-armed heavyset thugs lurking around gaming stores and threatening PS3 and X-Box players with wtfpwnage headshots unless they renounce their fanboyism. Jack Thompson will love it.
I like this picture of a perfectly undamaged orb of glass. Just the foreshadowing of it being shattered into slivers by a Wii remote gets me all tingly.
"Playing tennis on the Wii requires a lot of space. Clearly I didn't have enough space for playing tennis. The Wii remote control is fine, no scratch at all.
My friend just lost a game of tennis to his wife. Then he played against the computerplayer - and didn't wanted to lose against it.
My lamp came in the way. Now it looks like a cheap version of the deathstar.." -Claus
I don't want to be too critical of Claus's storytelling abilities, but I could have used more information on how his friends fingers are doing. Surely you can't put your fist through that ball and think you can get away from it without a scratch.
This video is one that was put together with the best of intentions. It's supposed to be a Wii related public service announcement. All the usual trappings are there... Official sounding voices, etc... I don't want to give away the ending for you, but some guy gets hit in the face with a Wii remote. Wii movies are starting to get like Terrance and Phillip cartoons to be honest.
So far, this is all pretty standard fare, until out of nowhere our URL shows up. For me, this was the surprise ending of the century. Let's be clear, I am not a vaguely Asian guy with a smooth and dulcet voice. I don't even know these guys, but I like their patronizing effort to seduce me with a URL reference.
When animals attack! Except, this is in reverse. More like, when people beat the living piss out of animals with a Wii remote. Innocent girlfriend Bobi explains...
"My boyfriend and I just bought a Wii and new leather furniture. While my boyfriend and I were playing Wii, our roommates's cat, Cracker, jumped up and clawed the back of the new furniture. My boyfriend went to grab Cracker by the scruff of the neck and toss him off so he wouldn't hurt the furniture. Unfortunetly, my boyfriend forgot that the Wiimote was attached to his wrist. When he grabbed Cracker, the Wiimote did a complete 360 around his wrist and smacked Cracker on the leg.
Cracker was limping and whining, so we called the vet and after x-rays found out that Cracker needed surery for a broken leg. The ball inbetween his joints had to be removed and fitted with one the vet had made for him.
A partially shaved cat, stitches ,an Elizabethan collar, and $512.00 later, Cracker is on a six week road to recovery and will be good as new afterwards. The Wiimote is undamaged, as for our household Wiitards, well let's just say wii are a lot more observant."
Cracker seems to be shaking it off ok. Five hundred bucks for hip replacement seems a little much though. Last time I checked you could replace the whole damn cat for a lot less than that.
The French are known for many things, and this particular French woman is trying to make a name for herself as a violent Wii player. Observe what her husband has to say...
"This moody girl is my wife. I guess she looked like this because instead of beating me on the wii tennis court, she blew up by accident the " happy cows" glass she has just bought two hours before. I have to say she always had a wrenching backhand... and an iron fist ! The wiimote didn't touch the glass at all. It has been desintegrated by the back of her fist. Pieces of glass flew through the whole living-room. She hasn't been hurt and dindn't feel anything. She uses to say she'll hit me hard if I ever betray her one day. Frightening !
You can see the bottom of the glass which remained exactly where it was shattered by her hand. A karate master wouldn't have done better. Blown up by a powerful backhand. We can barely see the rests of some once happy cows on the three biggest pieces remaining." -Christian
I'm not 100% clear on what the "Happy Cows" are. Maybe something French, maybe an advertising ploy for the California Dairy Association. At any rate, I think it's safe to say that their influence in this particular French home has suffered a setback. All thanks to the wicked backhand of a woman possessed of Wii passion.
The Danes are continuing the break stuff as is the rest of the world. Today it's their own fingers being damaged. That's right, the nation that reminds American white trash that Copenhagen is more than just a brand of smokeless tobacco, has sent us pictures of a broken lamp and finger.
"I've had my Wii for 3 weeks now. I've been playing just long enough to discover that you can do some cool moves in Wii sports, tennis. High underhand balls, smashes and screw-balls. I was practicing the screw-balls with great empathy and excitement. Suddenly I bang the Wiimote up in my ceiling lamp which is made of glass, and cut my index finger all the way to the bone.
God thanks my girfriend was home when it happened. She's a nurse and managed to stop the bleeding within 20-30 minutes and got my finger stitched back together with some medical staples/strips.
Right now the only regrets and frustrations is caused by the fact that I'll have to wait for my finger to get well enough to start playing again." -David from Denmark
Dave, that sounds dangerous, and I too am glad that your medically affiliated girlfriend was on hand.
The classic thing about this picture is the impressive play by play that steve has written to us. This is something that you can't describe as lengthy or even grammatically correct...
"we were play wii sports the baseball game. my buddy brian is the one in the pic. we were drinking bud light and doin shots of jager. we were a couple hours deep of drinkin. -steve"
"Drinking bud light and doin shots of jager." I don't think I'm exaggerating to say that the world would be a better place if we could just collectively stop combining those two beverages. It should also be mentioned that this is the spiced up version of steve's story. The original email just said "we broke uh lamp."
Big Dan has an artfully done video for us. Not just a crude cell phone picture. Quality stuff I tell you. Dan gives us a directors commentary to go with it. Sort of like a YouTube bonus feature.
"I decided since I recently purchased a townhome, and bought myself a Nintendo Wii, that having a bunch of my friends over for a party was a GREAT idea! It was. The night went off like usual, we drank, we drank a LOT! Played the damn thing all night long too!
1:30 am, February 4th.
The worst greatest idea in the history of my TV. "Let's have a home run contest." I was up first, 6 or 7 out of 10, can't really remember, but it was a helluva showing on my behalf! Steve C. was up next. What you see in this video is the 3rd ball that was sent his way. Steve has the 'White Sweater' on. Right after you here the smack, Steve points at the side of the TV (the speaker) and says 'It hit right here, I swear' - needless to say, I wished that what would have happened. My friends did agree that I took it better than they ever would have managed. I am the drunk foo who can't manage to keep his shirt down
Favorite quote: "Wrist Strap!" Brad R.
3 cases of beer: $60
Nintendo Wii: $270
50" Sony Grand Wega: $2500
Seeing my TV get f'ed on YouTube thanks to a talented friend? Priceless?" -Dan
My favorite part of Dan's story is that all references to his friends are accompanied by their respective last initials. I'm not really sure why he thought that was necessary, but it just seems to class the story up a bit, and I sure do like to class things up.
I'm on record as being a big fan of ceiling fans, and it is with good reason that I am. The mental imagery of people sticking their hands into swirling blades of sharpness is just great. Eric and Michelle take some sort of rare double-team tactic in the retelling of this particular story. Please observe...
"There we were just having a few people over at the house and one of friends micro brought over his wii and we immediately started bowling. I told everyone look out for the ceiling fan and for the most part everyone listened. Not our friend Vise during the second or third game bowling going for the gold he lost his mind and nearly his finger with a huge swing and the pictures tell the rest. Thanks to Michelle for the quality photos and thanks to Vise for unknowingly being the next victim... and surely not the last. -Eric and Michelle"
Eric and Michelle have nice, normal names. Apparently they don't have friends that share their name simplicity. Micro and Vise? I'm not multi-culturally aware on a lot of levels, but I'm pretty sure those aren't names of any geographic origin except crazytown. I don't complain though, because they sent me fine pictures of bloody fingers.
WELCOME!
"Wii have a problem" is a blog focused on bringing you the latest trend in gaming violence. That of damage caused by "window lickers" who should not be participating in activity of any form... yet own a Wii. Why? Because we're fanboys that's why.
SUBMISSIONS:
Did you mess up and cause some damage around the house? Don't keep that to yourself! Millions of people want to see all the carnage. Get your camera and Submit Your Story & Photos today!
