After a long hiatus we here at WHAP are back and want to let our readers know that we are working on some big changes in the near future that you will all appreciate. So keep those stories coming in and keep having fun!
Growing up I was always told that if you threw a penny off the Empire State Building it would make a huge crater upon hitting the ground. Naturally, such a claim needs tested first hand. Unfortunately, I can assure you that it is absolutely impossible to discover the results of this test when the security guard is handcuffing you because some tourist who witnessed the experiment was a tattletale. This story proves beyond a reasonable doubt that a Wiimote is denser then a skyscraper window…
On Sunday July 23rd 2007, a Wii Remote committed suicide by launching itself through the blinds and through the window of John Doe's apartment. No one was injured as the glass and controller landed on the roof of the restaurant 12 stories below. There are now alleged reports that this may be an involuntary manslaughter case due to INNOCENT PROTECTED's fingerprints being found on the controller. The controller wrist strap broke off of the primary suspect's wrist and Wii Bowling was believed to be playing at the time of the incident. Witnesses could not be immediately contacted for comment.
Those poor restaurant patrons had no idea how close death was that day. It was there... on the 12th floor... Stalking them! Moral of the story? Take as many awesome photos covering the event as this reader did. It's like Carmen San Diego adventure all over again!
A new product is due soon that should protect your precious HDTV, even if you should manage to demolish every other object in your living room during a fitful round of Wii-ing. Looking at it, it seems nice enough, but given the erratic world of Wii controller airborne trajectories, it doesn't seem to be particularly ricochet-proof.
On your fifth HDTV since buying a Wii? Yeah, we are too -- maybe it's time to get your display a little something designed to protect it against the occasional glancing blow from an errant Wiimote. Sketchy though the Taiwanese company's site may seem (apologies in advance, we're not clear on any US distributors), LCDArm claims its impact-resistant Safety Shield passes through 98% of light, reduces UV, and, of course, is the ideal candidate for protecting your high-def investment from your decidedly low-def motion-sensitive console, whose controller has been occasionally known to fly out of the hands of adoring fans with truly horrific results.
Next up...a Safety Shield 'glove' that protects your five-digited fleshy investment against those decidedly motion-inhibiting coffee table edges...
They didn't mention this practical use for a Wii controller in the operator's manual, evidently.
In times to come, there will doubtless be reports of roving gangs of Wii controller-armed heavyset thugs lurking around gaming stores and threatening PS3 and X-Box players with wtfpwnage headshots unless they renounce their fanboyism. Jack Thompson will love it.
These guys are just straight up industrious! They built themselves a robot out of legos that throws perfect strikes on via the Wii.
"You are looking at a Wii Remote mounted on a robotically controlled swing. A second motor is used to trigger the bowling, by first Pressing the A button and left arrow, and then holding down the B button, swinging, and finally releasing the B button."
That beats the heck out of the pyramid that I built with legos. Apparently some were born to create feats of engineering, and I was born to make fun of it. They've got a plethora of pictures and a video to go with it over on their site.
Just in case anyone missed it. Wii.tv has released an April Fools video on us all, trying to convince us that there is going to be a new Zelda set in the future. Their video is a little too long of a trip to take for a joke, but it was a nice try nonetheless.
It's actually pretty interesting to hear all of the different places they've spliced footage together from to come up with it. It's a lot of concept art and still from Star Wars and Final Fantasy, but it's all fake.
I like this picture of a perfectly undamaged orb of glass. Just the foreshadowing of it being shattered into slivers by a Wii remote gets me all tingly.
"Playing tennis on the Wii requires a lot of space. Clearly I didn't have enough space for playing tennis. The Wii remote control is fine, no scratch at all.
My friend just lost a game of tennis to his wife. Then he played against the computerplayer - and didn't wanted to lose against it.
My lamp came in the way. Now it looks like a cheap version of the deathstar.." -Claus
I don't want to be too critical of Claus's storytelling abilities, but I could have used more information on how his friends fingers are doing. Surely you can't put your fist through that ball and think you can get away from it without a scratch.
This video is one that was put together with the best of intentions. It's supposed to be a Wii related public service announcement. All the usual trappings are there... Official sounding voices, etc... I don't want to give away the ending for you, but some guy gets hit in the face with a Wii remote. Wii movies are starting to get like Terrance and Phillip cartoons to be honest.
So far, this is all pretty standard fare, until out of nowhere our URL shows up. For me, this was the surprise ending of the century. Let's be clear, I am not a vaguely Asian guy with a smooth and dulcet voice. I don't even know these guys, but I like their patronizing effort to seduce me with a URL reference.
When animals attack! Except, this is in reverse. More like, when people beat the living piss out of animals with a Wii remote. Innocent girlfriend Bobi explains...
"My boyfriend and I just bought a Wii and new leather furniture. While my boyfriend and I were playing Wii, our roommates's cat, Cracker, jumped up and clawed the back of the new furniture. My boyfriend went to grab Cracker by the scruff of the neck and toss him off so he wouldn't hurt the furniture. Unfortunetly, my boyfriend forgot that the Wiimote was attached to his wrist. When he grabbed Cracker, the Wiimote did a complete 360 around his wrist and smacked Cracker on the leg.
Cracker was limping and whining, so we called the vet and after x-rays found out that Cracker needed surery for a broken leg. The ball inbetween his joints had to be removed and fitted with one the vet had made for him.
A partially shaved cat, stitches ,an Elizabethan collar, and $512.00 later, Cracker is on a six week road to recovery and will be good as new afterwards. The Wiimote is undamaged, as for our household Wiitards, well let's just say wii are a lot more observant."
Cracker seems to be shaking it off ok. Five hundred bucks for hip replacement seems a little much though. Last time I checked you could replace the whole damn cat for a lot less than that.
The French are known for many things, and this particular French woman is trying to make a name for herself as a violent Wii player. Observe what her husband has to say...
"This moody girl is my wife. I guess she looked like this because instead of beating me on the wii tennis court, she blew up by accident the " happy cows" glass she has just bought two hours before. I have to say she always had a wrenching backhand... and an iron fist ! The wiimote didn't touch the glass at all. It has been desintegrated by the back of her fist. Pieces of glass flew through the whole living-room. She hasn't been hurt and dindn't feel anything. She uses to say she'll hit me hard if I ever betray her one day. Frightening !
You can see the bottom of the glass which remained exactly where it was shattered by her hand. A karate master wouldn't have done better. Blown up by a powerful backhand. We can barely see the rests of some once happy cows on the three biggest pieces remaining." -Christian
I'm not 100% clear on what the "Happy Cows" are. Maybe something French, maybe an advertising ploy for the California Dairy Association. At any rate, I think it's safe to say that their influence in this particular French home has suffered a setback. All thanks to the wicked backhand of a woman possessed of Wii passion.
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"Wii have a problem" is a blog focused on bringing you the latest trend in gaming violence. That of damage caused by "window lickers" who should not be participating in activity of any form... yet own a Wii. Why? Because we're fanboys that's why.
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